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February 13, 2014 / Aware of the Void

Let Me Tell You a Little Something About Love


Five times today I have been asked what I will be doing for Valentines day? Have I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant? Will I be buying a gigantic bunch of flowers? Taking a day off work to spoil my wife? Investing in large amounts of chocolate with a big red love heart on the box?  Did I get a card yet? At least twice I must have made a face that suggested that I had forgotten that it was Valentines day. The inquisitors looked worried on my behalf.

The truth is that we do nothing special or additional for the day. Partly because the whole thing seems like a crass exercise in consumerism. I watched one local store keeper increasing the prices on bunches of flowers this evening safe in the knowledge that societal mores will see them sold to desperate partners on the way home from work.

The coffee shop near my work sells fantastic little cakes and biscuits. I am very fond of a particular cookie that they make and generally order one with my coffee.  I do this so often that I have the exact change ready to go. But today my coffee and cookie was a whole Euro dearer. Surprised I queried this with the waitress and she told me that it was because they were heart shaped for valentines day. My beloved cookie was now half the size and double the price.

I can be accused of being sceptical but the people profiteering  on love are cynical. Valentines day was invented by the retail industry to make money.

If Valentines day is the one day of the year you tell someone you love them you are doing it wrong. If you need to be reminded by your local supermarket to tell someone that you love them you are doing it wrong.

Make Valentines day the first day of the rest of your life.

Tell that special person everyday that you love them.
Assume every-time that you say goodbye that it will be the last time you will see them – trust me on this, terrible things happen to nice people all the time.
If you have an argument – accept that you are wrong, apologise and move on.
Forget about old fights and disagreements.
Remember that it is impossible to un-say something. If you are mean or nasty – those words will exist forever.
Have separate interests.
Have similar interests.
Know that if you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together its OK to be apart sometimes.
Learn how to become telepathic – I think this just happens with time but it is very useful.
Brush your teeth.

Don’t listen to me.

I really do try and follow my own advice. I fail sometimes but because I try and remember this stuff on a daily basis I feel less inclined to run out and buy flowers once a year. I try and do it more often.

The two photos that are on this post were given to us as Christmas presents. The sunset was taken by my pal Param and he had it printed and framed, it now hangs on our wall. The montage was given to us by Nivetha and it tells a whole story. These pictures make me smile so much – mostly because it make me feel like someone is making a documentary and we happen to be the subjects.



Leave a Comment
  1. André / Feb 13 2014 11:22 pm

    Brilliant piece and so true.

  2. Moni / Feb 14 2014 2:03 pm

    So sweet. You and Lorraine are a beautiful couple.

    As someone who has been married for a long time I can agree with all of this. If you have to wait for a day to roll around you’re doing it wrong. I really think the key a happy marriage is to express love for each other everyday.

  3. kathryningrid / Feb 17 2014 3:54 am

    Outstanding. My husband and I are believers, ourselves, in the beauty of love, affection, friendship, respect, appreciation and simple delight in each other’s company being everyday things. Special occasions grow out of our togetherness, not togetherness out of designated special occasions. But you say it so wonderfully yourself, I’ve got nothing to tell you that you don’t already know. May you two always find your own happy balance, too! Happy whatever day it is!

  4. aafke / Feb 24 2014 2:24 pm

    live and love while you can !


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